


Loathing

by Miharu_is_Harukas_Love_Child



Category: Death Note
Genre: BDSM, Childhood Sexual Abuse, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 19:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4492020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miharu_is_Harukas_Love_Child/pseuds/Miharu_is_Harukas_Love_Child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after Near arrives at Wammy's, he gets caught up in the violent passion of another orphan. But there's a sadistic force at work within the orphanage. Can he save Mello from the darkness? Violence and Yaoi. MxM, NxM, and BBxA</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pearl Cream (pearlcream)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearlcream/gifts).



> This is essentially a story that follows a very mutually abusive Matt/Mello relationship. The focus is on Near and his observations of them since he is the newest addition to Wammy's. There's a little bit of N/M in here eventually, and some side B/A.

_What is this feeling, so sudden and new?_   
_I felt the moment I laid eyes on you._   
_My pulse is rushing._   
_My head is reeling_   
_My face is flushing._   
_What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame, does it have a name? Yes... Yes_   
  
_Loathing! Unadulterated loathing!_   
_For your face,_   
_Your voice,_   
_Your clothing!_   
_Let's just say- I loathe it all!_   
_Every little trait how ever small,_   
_Makes my very flesh begin to crawl_   
_With simple utter loathing!_   
_There's a strange exhilaration._   
_In such total detestation. It's so pure, so strong!_   
_Though I do admit, it came on fast,_   
_Still I do believe that it can last._   
_And I will be loathing, loathing you my whole life long._   
  
_"What is this feeling" sung by Elphaba and Glinda the Goodwitch from the musical Wicked._   
  


* * *

  
  
The old man smiled as he parked the car on the cobbled street, his eyes resting on the wrought-iron gate as it swung ominously in the rain-pattered wind. The boy had fallen asleep, the powdery locks of his pale tresses shining dimly in the poor light that draped across him from the streetlamp.  
  
"Wake up, child." The man prodded gently. The boy, pale as the purity of freshly fallen snow, blinked the sleepiness from his eyes. He stared at the ghostly reflection in the car's window before firmly gripping the passenger's door handle and releasing it to gravity. When the door had swung but half its course, the boy touched his feet to the damp ground, shivering from in the foreign air.  
  
"Is this the orphanage, Mr. Ruvie?" came the quiet voice, uncertain and nearly atrophied.  
  
"Yes, son." Replied the man, opening the heavy lock on the gate before ushering the child into the warmth and pain of his new life.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Near." The name sounded foreign on his tongue. He licked his lips and repeated it but his brain wouldn't quite wrap around the idea. It wasn't enough to strip him from his home, his language, his country, his…his family…but they had to take away the only thing he had left in his life? His name?  
  
"I'm sorry." The old man softened visibly," I know this is hard for you. So many losses and changes in such a short amount of time…it's emotionally and physically taxing. You'll get a few weeks for mourning and adjusting before we try to integrate you into life here at Wammy's. For now, why don't we just get some food into your belly and find a nice bed for you to rest in?"  
  
Nate River, no, Near, nodded, "Thank you, Mr. Ruvie."  
  
"Please, call me Roger."  
  
Roger led Near to large kitchen and began to gather some nourishing leftovers for the frail boy. The soup was strange to him, and quite bland, but it was warm so he ate as much as he could. It was, at least, better than the plane food. When he was finished, Roger led him through a winding hallway and up a flight of stairs. They reached a room at the end of a corridor and Roger opened it, revealing a dozen or so beds, nearly each filled with a sleeping boy.  
  
"Shh, this is the boy's room, you may claim any unoccupied bed you wish but be careful not to disturb the others."  
  
Near felt the door close behind him and as soon as the click sounded, several heads popped up from their beds.  
  
"Hey look! A new kid!"  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Where are you from?"  
  
"Do you speak English?"  
  
It was hard to see the expressions in the darkness, even after Near's eyes adjusted. He was tired and all he really wanted to do was go to sleep.  
  
"Damnit, I was trying to sleep, sons of bitches. Just shut up and leave the kid alone, will you?"  
  
A body untangled itself from a bed and stretched up. Even in the shadows, Near could sense the annoyance resonating from the figure.  
  
The boy extended his hand to Near, who hesitantly took it and was pulled towards the beds. The stranger pushed him gently into the empty bed besides his own before speaking.  
  
"All right, here's a bed, now sleep, kay? If I get woken up one more time I'm going to raise a bloody fucking hell of a bitch fit, ya hear? So dontcha get these bastards riled up anymore tonight. They can fawn over you in the morning."  
  
A sudden turn on the knob and the room fell into complete silence as the old man reopened the door, light flooding in slightly from the hallway. Near looked at the boy standing across from him and almost fell backwards into the bed. Before him was an utterly feminine creature, blond hair and unforgiving eyes sparkling wickedly in the half-light.  
  
"Go to sleep boys! Leave Near alone. If I hear that any of you were pulling any of your usual pranks, it'll be a week on toilet scrubbing duty. Yes, I'm talking to you, Mello. Now, good night!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever the fuck you say, Roger." Huffed the blond before he flung himself down on his small bed. Roger had neglected to give him nightclothes, so Near simply crawled into the space of bed and covered himself in the clean sheets and comforter.  
  
The pain, the confusion, all of it was simply too maddening to truly just deal with so the boy tried to keep his mind blank as lay awake in bed. He wished his thoughts away but they kept returning to the same ugly pattern they always did when he was left alone to do himself in. He'd never see his parents again. His adult sister wanted nothing to do with his life. He was living in a foreign country with a fake name at an orphanage for assumed geniuses. A few tears escaped his eyes as he soundlessly cried into the pillow, wondering what his new life would be like. As his thoughts drifted back to the police reports, though, he couldn't help but whimper at the thoughts of what had happened to his family.  
  
"Ah shit. Damn newbie. Matt, Adam, Steamer! Get your asses over here."  
  
The soft rustling of sheets came and Near felt a dip in the mattress, then another and another. He was prodded until he shifted up in the small bed and several pairs of arms engulfed him. Shocked by the sudden contact, the boy went stiff.  
  
"Look, it's your first night here so we'll let you get it all out, but we don't allow our feelings to get in the way of anything here, you got it? So learn to suck it up and take things like a man. Everyone's got a story. Everyone's got pain. Learn to live with it because no one gives a fuck. If I see you crying after tonight, we're going to beat the living pulp out of you."  
  
The voice was harsh, condescending, and utterly uncomforting. Yet, the several pairs of arms around his waist tightened in soft embraces. They seemed to say it's not as bad as it seems, we'll help you be strong. Cold words and light touches. Perhaps it was the only way they could allow themselves to be friendly towards him. Perhaps it was the only way they managed to keep their own sanities amidst the trauma and turmoil of their situations. Perhaps they were as confused and scared as he was.  
  
Whatever the reason, when the bodies finally pulled away and returned to their beds, the pale child was able to fall into the comfort of a dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Sun flooded through the windows in the boys' room. Near mayn't have woken from his sleep if the rays hadn't caressed warmth into his face. As he lifted his head from the small bed, he noticed for the first time, the real layout of the room.  
  
There were two rows of beds lining the opposing walls. Each bed had a large chest in front of it and the ones adjacent to the occupied beds had ornate names carved into them. Near read some of them slowly: Adam, Beyond Birthday, Matt, Steamer, Mello, Calico Cactus…Dipstick. He furrowed his brow. Like him, they mostly all had quaint unnatural names. He was momentarily distracted by an older boy who walked up to him, shirtless and obviously not heeding his abandoned dressing ritual.  
  
"Good morning. Near, was it? I'm Tint Mirage. Everyone's getting up and getting ready because we eat breakfast at 7:15. You can come down with everyone or by yourself."  
  
The pale child nodded. He had no toothbrush, clothes, hairbrush, or any other kind of personal items so he wasn't sure what to do about 'getting ready'. Instead, he watched the others getting dressed. On one side of the room was a vast wardrobe full of hanging clothes. Apparently, everything was neatly sectioned off to each child as everyone seemed to know where their individual clothes were without much fuss.  
  
A familiar feeling in his bladder caused him to turn to his neighbor, the blond boy from the night before.  
  
"Mello, where is the W.C.?"  
  
The blond snorted at the quizzical look Steamer shot towards the albino child.  
  
"He's looking for the toilets, Steamer." Laughed Mello, each vibration making a ripple through his body and causing his golden mane to bob lightly, reflecting the sun's rays on natural highlights.  
  
"Ohhh! Right." Steamer scratched his head in embarrassment, "Sorry but jeeze, Near where are you from that you speak so frickin' formally?"  
  
"Germany," replied the younger child.  
  
A set of gasps rippled across the room and Mello dove at the boy, throwing his hand over Near's mouth. The pink eyes found steady blue and Near cringed at the grip on his face.  
  
"We do not talk about our pasts here. You have no family," clenched the blond through his teeth, "you have no country and you have no name other than Near. You have no past and you have no memories. Everything's a blank slate. You have nothing. Do you understand?"  
  
Near nodded and Mello released him. An angry red handprint marked the delicate skin of Near's cheek and lips.  
  
"Fucking newbie…W.C. is that door way at the end of the hallway on your left side."  
  
The boy nodded and left, the large handle on the door creaking in protest as he forced the hinges to swing forward.  
  
"Hey, wait up."  
  
Near pivoted enough to catch himself before crashing into the form of an older teen. He recognized the build from the night before. It was one of the boys who had comforted him.  
  
"I'm Adam." The boy extended his hand and Near took it hesitantly.  
  
"Mello's giving you a hard time because that's just his personality. You'll like it here once you get used to it though."  
  
"Thank you," mumbled Near. He trained his eyes on the worn patterns in the carpet as he trudged his way towards the W.C.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
Once again, Near was stalled as the older boy led him in a slightly different direction. Adam opened up a small closet and pulled out a few things, including some white pajamas and a clean towel.  
  
"Here. You must want to feel clean after such a long trip and a hard night like that. There are showers in there but if you're in the need for a longer sort of soak, there's one tub and some bath salts in the corner. Wash up and change your clothes before you meet us for breakfast. You can take your soiled stuff to the laundry room downstairs."  
  
Near tried not to wonder why the other boy was being so helpful as he walked into the room where a few other boys were brushing their teeth at sinks.  
  
The pajamas were a little stiff against his skin, but comfortable even if oversized. He felt clean after his shower and wandered down the stairs in only his socks as a few other boys rushed past him. For the first time, Near noticed the grand chandelier hanging from the middle of the ceiling, and the gallery of paintings that cascaded down the walls. There was a strange geometric harmony in the design. Whoever had arranged them kept a sharp eye for the pattern and the pale boy was a little more than entranced in the complexity of the simple hanging fixtures.  
  
At the bottom of the steps, a flash of red curls nearly knocked him to the floor.  
  
"Oh dear, I'm sorry! I didn't see you there. Whoa, you're new, aren't you? What's your name, kid?"  
  
Near found himself looking at the bouncing figure of a girl, not much taller than him, but certainly older if the small clumps of acne around her nose were any indication of age. Since the girls' room was downstairs, it made sense that he hadn't seen any others yet. He was sure there would be more in the dining room, though.  
  
"Don't you know how to talk, kid?" piqued the girl again.  
  
"Leave him alone, Kit. You remember your fist day here, don't you? I'm sure he doesn't want to talk to anybody right now. You can stalk him after he's adjusted."  
  
The girl turned around and blushed in the direction of a tall, plump brunette who was carrying a stack of sheets in her arms.  
  
"Yes, Bea." Squeaked the redhead before she excused herself towards the dining room.  
  
"Welcome to Wammy's House," came the gentle voice of the elderly woman, who tilted her head to take a good look at Near. "I'm Beatrice Ruvie, but you can just call me Bea. The other kids start hasslin' you and you make sure you come see me, alright, honey? Now go on and get some breakfast. You're so skinny."  
  
Near watched Mrs. Ruvie walk away and had to wonder how such an old couple like she and Roger ever kept order over so many rambunctious children. He pushed the thought away as he entered the dining hall and took a seat at a long table.  
  
Breakfast was far from enjoyable. The food was horribly bland and the other children were obstinately loud. He felt like a caged animal on display as all the fingers and whispers were directed at him. One overly-bubbly girl even tried to hug him. All the boy really wanted was for the entire affair to end so he could be left alone. Hardly touching his own food, he observed the other children. They asked him questions. He answered some. Once in a while, the cook would wander in and ask if anyone needed anything.  
  
When it was over, Near didn't know what to do with himself. Roger suggested he wander around and get used to his surroundings. Eventually, he found himself in a large reading room with shelves upon shelves of books of all subjects and languages. He pulled a few off a shelf and sat on the floor, distracting himself from the people who attempted to become his playmates. The sun moved through its cycle and Near remained in the library until it had set and the moon rose in substitution. When he returned to the boys' room, he found his named etched into the trunk at the end of his bed. The others were already changed into their nightclothes.  
  
As he lay down, he could hear the sounds of the other boys' breathing and then the digitized music of a videogame broke the silence.  
  
"Goddamnit, Matt. If you're going to play your Gameboy under the covers, at least mute the shit."  
  
"Fuck you, Mello."  
  
"Matt, don't make me hold you down as Mello pummels you. Turn the damn sound off."  
  
"Tch. Bring it, Beyond. You don't scare me."  
  
The arguing continued for a few brief exchanges until Matt, quite defeated, simply shut off his device and all was quiet again. Near smiled in the darkness of the room. He couldn't say he was happy, or that even liked being at Wammy's, but somehow, he felt like he could adjust.  
  
Somehow.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been two weeks since Near had arrived at the orphanage and he could feel himself adjusting just a bit more. Mr. Ruvie talked to him every day. They were counseling sessions to help Near adjust to his new life, but in the outside hours he found a particular room soothing: the room with a grand piano. He couldn't play but he certainly had an ear for music and once a day he listened in rapt attention as the oldest boy of Wammy's played an aria. Near felt very comfortable around Adam and listening to him play made him feel blank and clean. Serenely so, like a holy ghost.  
  
On a particular afternoon, Near opened the door the piano room to find that Adam was already there—but he wasn't alone. There was the other one, Beyond Birthday who was a completely wild card. Near didn't know what to make of the other teenager. His hair was dark and messy and he walked with an unnatural gait as if someone was pushing his shoulders down and forcing him to slouch. He was friendly at times and altogether distant in a way that made the young boy feel ill at ease. It wasn't that Near disliked him, but his impression was that he should maintain his distance.  
  
The older teens hadn't acknowledged Near's entrance with their focus on each other. Beyond was leaning over the older boy with his hand over the other boys mouth. The meeting seemed private enough that the white haired boy was sure his presence would be unwelcome. And yet, he had as much right to be there as anyone else. Thus he retreated just behind the door, leaving it ajar at such an angle to overhear without being seen.  
  
"C'mon. Tell me, A. I know you know."  
  
"Really, there's nothing to tell, and stop calling me A. I'm not a letter. No one's told me such nonsense."  
  
"Bollocks you haven't been made into a letter! Don't think for a minute that I don't know about it. Smartest kid in the whole place and first in line to be L. I saw the ranking when I hacked Roger's computer. You beat me to it after all."  
  
In a moment of dejection, the dark-haired teenager allowed the older one to push him off, "I don't want be L, Beyond Birthday, you know that!"  
  
Adam stood tall, his back to the baby grand, and he was careful not to press into the piano's keys. Beyond had slid to the floor with his head bowed deep. He threw his hands around the other's jeans and cried up in plea.  
  
"Just fucking tell me what he looks like. Don't I deserve at least that much from you?" He pressed his head against Adam's leg and made to kiss his thigh, "or was the other night just a lie?"  
  
Adam tensed at the contact, his eyes like a deer caught in headlights, "I don't know what you're going on about."  
  
"Are telling me it was all a lie, that you faked it when you screamed my name as I did this to you?" Beyond's fingers slipped into Adam's jeans, "You liked the feel of my hand, didn't you? Would you like more? Can I blow you?"  
  
"You, can't. Shit, Beyond not here." Adam tried to swat Beyond away but he seemed utterly captive to the younger teen, "Oh God, please not here, someone will hear us!"  
  
"C'mon, Adam Ruvie, I've kept your secret haven't I? Can't you humor me a little?"  
  
"D-don't just say that name! Damnit, B. Stop touching me-aaahhhh!"  
  
"Stop struggling or I'm going to choke on your dick, damnit."  
  
"Fine! Just—mmmnn! Yeah, like that! Ugh! I did meet L. "  
  
"What did he look like?"  
  
"He...Christ, where did you learn to do that? Ahhh! Black hair! White shirt! Fuck."  
  
"I'm listening. Consequently every second I have to fill this silence with my voice is a second I could be putting my mouth to better uses..."  
  
"Whatever, don't stop now, damn you!"  
  
Near was frozen in place. It felt very wrong to be there, eavesdropping on such an intimate conversation, but his feet would not cooperate with his brain's escape plan. If he moved they might not notice him, but he wasn't sure he wanted to risk getting caught. Adam might stop being nice to him if he knew that Near knew personal information about him. That was one of the cruelest rules about Wammy's House, that they couldn't know such details and Near had garnered two bits of vital information. The oldest child in the institution was Roger and Bea's relative, if not their son, and he was the most intelligent with the best chances of becoming the next L. Yet thoughts of how and why that information was pertinent slipped the young boy's mind as he watched the teens from his vantage point. Adam's face was bright crimson and Beyond Birthday was bent over the older boy's pants making a suckling noise. Near realized in shock that the younger teen was suckling the other's groin. He knew that other boys touched themselves there. He was no stranger to the idea of masturbation, even if he'd not tried it yet himself. But _this_ was different. Beyond was using his _mouth_ instead of his hands, and not on himself but on someone else.  
  
Near didn't know how to react. He just watched until the entire exchange was done and Adam slid himself to the floor and met the other boy in an agonizingly slow kiss. Near knew he was the point where staying proved the most risky but he couldn't be sure of his timing. It wasn't until he was absolutely certain that their lip lock would keep their eyes averted that he moved, but he hadn't anticipated Adam slipping his lips to Beyond's neck. When Near was almost out of their sight line, Beyond turned right in his direction with an absolute Cheshire grin. For the briefest moment he winked right in the direction of the boy, and Near's fright overtook all other instincts as his feet bounded down the hallway taking him as far from the music room as possible. He found himself at the foot of the grand spiral staircase, unsure of what he'd seen and how much trouble he could be in for it.  
  
At the sound of footsteps, he whipped around, heart racing like a deer caught in the headlights. He just knew it was the teenagers after him.  
  
"Mello," he released a breath in relief at the sight of the slender blond instead of Beyond Birthday or Adam.  
  
The blond boy wasn't directly nice, but he was friendly in his own right. Near decided early on that he liked Mello despite his foul mouth and quick temper because Mello gave off a feeling of comraderie.  
  
The blonde boy looked ruffled and so Near gave him his full attention, apprehension leaving him, "Hello, Mello." he repeated  
  
"Do you know where Matt is?" Mello rubbed his fingers through the silky strands of his hair, "It's Thursday, and we have a project to attend to, but I cannot find him in his usual spots. Have you seen him?"  
  
Near shook his head, "No. I haven't. Is it urgent?"  
  
Mello opened his mouth to speak, but seemed distracted. It was a full moment before he continued, "No. Not urgent. Just...annoying. If you see him, you'll tell him that he better not forget" Mello paused for a second as if sizing Near up and he supplied his word with care, "our agreement?"  
  
Near nodded, unsure why the other boy was so cryptic about something as dismissive as a project. Unless there was some hidden code in the message that Near hadn't been privy to. Mello took the stairs two at a time and went off on his quest for the goggled-child, leaving Near alone with his thoughts and his fears.  
  
Near took a few steps up the staircase and stared up at the central chandelier with all it's glittering jewels and lights and began to feel peaceful again. An instinct was budding within the mind of the small genius, one that wish to arrange and rearrange the geometric patterns with mathematical precision. It wasn't conscious and it wasn't crude. It just felt right. Near made note to ask Mr. Ruvie for a batch of modeling clay. It might settle the growing twitch of his fingers. He settled for absently stroking his own powdery locks and his brain reconstructed and harmonized every light of the chandelier.  
  
"Hey Nate." His heart nearly dropped with the recognition of his name, and from the voice who had spoken it.  
  
The boy whipped around, to face the glittering eyes of Beyond Birthday. His heart pounded in his chest but he tried his best not to alert the other to his panic.  
  
"Did we get a new boy or have you forgotten my name? I'm Near" He stated, hoping his fingers weren't giving him away with their Judas tremble.  
  
The teenager merely laughed and leaned close to the white-haired boy, "Sorry. I mean to say Near and it half came out as mate. Slip of the tongue."  
  
Near sighed in relief. He may have broken a few rules in his naivete as the newcomer, but revealing his true name hadn't been on that short list. It was an allowable enough mistake for Beyond to have made. And Near would take this conversation over the potential one about the piano.  
  
"What I wanted to say was, go catch up with Mello. Tell him where Matt is."  
  
"If you know where Matt is," Near paused, uncomfortable with the intensity of Beyond's gaze, "Why are you telling me instead of Mello?"  
  
Beyond affected indignation, "I'm just trying to help my newest foster brother create deep meaningful friendships with the ones closest to him in age. Consider it my way of nudging you towards good friends. In exchange for..." The teen placed his fingers over his lips, "some discretion? I'd be rather embarrassed if word got around about Adam and I."  
  
There it was. A favor for a favor. That was how the world worked, Near knew that much already. Before he could make a reply, the teen grabbed his hands.  
  
"You haven't experienced it yet Near, but love is such a magical mistress. And I am in love. Very much so!" Beyond moved his finger down the white pajama top and rested his index directly above Near's heart. "It's enough to tear me apart."  
  
Near shuddered at the way the other whispered the last three words. He couldn't deny that Beyond Birthday was effortlessly scaring him. He also couldn't follow the line of logic as where love connected with what he'd seen in the music room.  
  
"I saw nothing." He answered, finally, knowing there was really no other answer to give.  
  
Beyond brightened visibly, "Great. I knew you were a trustworthy fellow. Run along and tell Mello that Matt's in the upstairs maths broom closet going heels-to-Jesus."  
  
Near frowned, he'd not heard that phrase and wasn't able to place the precise meaning, "He's...praying?"  
  
Near had often seen Mello with a rosary in his hand so he assumed the blond boy was Catholic to an extent, but the redhead had never expressed such displays of religious sentiment.  
  
Beyond smiled altogether too deeply, "Praying? Why yes, praying is exactly what he should be doing."  
  
The ensuing choking of chuckles only made Near feel like he had missed something, but he supposed there would be no harm in following through with the errand, especially if it separated him from Beyond.  
  
The raven-haired one walked towards the kitchen, intent on stealing the chocolate supply before Mello could get to it. For a moment he paused and considered the pieces he'd set in motion and smirked. He decided to play a little game with himself and bet on the outcome of his exchange with the newest Wammy's child. If things didn't play out to his predictions, he'd give up his jam for a week.  
  
Not that that wouldn't also have interesting results.  
  
"Like lambs to the slaughter," he quipped to no one in particular.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg, I'm laughing so hard right now. Because heels-to-Jesus. XD


	4. Chapter 4

Come take a look at the [Loathing Spoiler Forum](http://mrsjeevas.joharrington.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=46&t=413), and please if you love MxM, come join our community there <3

Musical suggestion: Chandelier by Sia.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Let his flesh not be torn  
  
Let his blood leave no stain  
  
Though they beat him  
  
Let him feel no pain  
  
Let his bones never break  
  
And however they try  
  
To destroy him  
  
Let him never die...  
  
Let him never die…"  
  
(Elphaba in No Good Deed from the musical Wicked)  
  


* * *

  
  
"What do you mean he's praying?" The blond boy knit his eyebrows together in confusion, a single hand resting on his hip as he laughed at Near.  
  
Near shrugged, "In the closet of the maths room, praying. I do not pretend to know why."  
  
But Near had apparently said something wrong because Mello shoved him roughly until his back hit the hallway's wall. His lips curled downwards in an almost feral snarl, "You saw this, did you?"  
  
"N-no," the smaller boy stammered in alarm. "Beyond Birthday told me to tell you."  
  
Mello seemed to completely forget himself as he glared at Near with a chilling stare. The change in the other boy was noted only a flash of emotions across his face but Near couldn't even follow all the facial changes as Mello switched from various stages of hurt and anger before realizing what he was doing. He released his hands from Near's shoulders and stepped back a foot but didn't apologize, he merely stared at his hands as if acknowledging that his actions hadn't been conscious.  
  
"What exactly did Beyond say?"  
  
Near released a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, "That he should be praying."  
  
"No shit. Stop repeating yourself. What exact words did he use?"  
  
"Tell Mello that Matt's going heels-to-Jesus in the—"  
  
Near didn't have a moment to finish as Mello released a train of swearwords and punched the wall near his head, "Fucking hell. I'm going to kill that damn cheater!"  
  
The sound of Mello's feet pounding the floor registered to Near's ears before his eyes really took in the blond's frantic running. He blinked. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. He was watching Mello's hair whip around but it was too close. Near glanced down at his own wrists where Mello had grabbed him a moment before. He was on auto pilot running with the other boy, being dragged along and he hadn't even felt his own feet move. They were moving too fast and he was stumbling over himself just to keep up with the blond's desperation.  
  
Mello only released Near to throw both of his fists on the door to the closet that Near suspected was the one he'd just told Mello to look into.  
  
"Matt! Matt! Open this fucking door, you fucking slut!"  
  
They could hear movement behind the door and Near was sure there was more than one voice, but no direct confirmation that Matt was inside. Impatient as he was, Mello pulled some wires from his pocket and shoved them into the keyhole, working the lock open. Within seconds a popping sound unclicked the door. The door was yanked so violently that it swung backwards and indented the adjacent wall with shape of the round handle. Mello's small frame shook and he squeezed his knuckles white, peering in without saying a word.  
  
Inside the closet, Matt, shirtless, zipped his jeans up and waved his hand dismissively at Mello.  
  
"Oh hey there, Princess." He looked about himself, his eyes resting on a girl who was buttoning her shirt next to him. "Oops?"  
  
Mello grabbed the girl by the hair and dragged her out while she yelled, "Damnit, let me go! That hurts, damnit! Mello!"  
  
Mello released his hold on the brunette and she slumped, holding her head. Near recognized her as one of the older girls. He couldn't remember her name, but she looked much older than any of the boys present, with well-developed hips and curves. She tried to cover her partially exposed breasts as Mello grabbed her by the chin.  
  
"Bitch, if you ever touch what's mine again, I swear I'll—"  
  
Before he could threaten the girl, Mello was cut off by the true object of his anger.  
  
"Caught again, am I?" The redhead sighed, his tone belaying boredom, "Damn, I guess this place is burned. I'll need a new shagging spot."  
  
"Right. Matt," Mello growled in a very low tone, completely forgetting the girl and turning towards the redhead, "Care to explain what you and Jelly Bird were doing? I'm all ears."  
  
"Anatomy research?" he rolled his eyes and shrugged.  
  
That was when the first fist flew. Mello's knuckles connected with Matt's jaw so hard that his neck snapped back sharply and the redhead rolled backwards into himself in pain.  
  
At least that was the feint.  
  
Matt's legs went swinging towards Mello as he propelled himself forward, gaining momentum from the way he rolled. He caught the blond hard on the knee and leapt up in time to dodge a reciprocal kick. Matt didn't stop moving away so Mello jumped on his back, weighing him down.  
  
"You. Fucking. Cunt." Mello punctuated each word with a punch to Matt's gut.  
  
Matt twisted his head and spit, "Let go, Mello!"  
  
Mello would not let go. They were a tangle arms and legs, scratching and biting and pulling at hair. Twisting fingers clawing down arms and drawing blood. Strangle holds and bruising slaps. Neither boy let up, their energy seemingly endless.  
  
"Why Matt? Why am I not good enough for you?"  
  
"I never said you weren't." the redhead bit the blond's hand and Mello howled.  
  
Somewhere in the mix of punches, the girl, Jelly Bird, had regained her footing and tried to get in between them, yelling at them to stop. Mello merely shoved her aside and Matt actually flipped her off saying, 'a birdie for the birdie,' before splitting Mello's lip and causing the other to stumble backwards.  
  
Unfazed, Jelly Bird ran to Near's side and pleaded with him to leave the scene, "C'mon, we need to get Roger. Someone's going to get seriously hurt if we don't do something!"  
  
But Near couldn't move. He could only watch, frozen. He was scared. There were clues but they weren't clicking in place. The situation screamed of a lover's quarrel but the violence level touched on delinquent assault and battery. What had happened to the nonchalant gamer and the crudely comforting chocoholic? They were throwing all their energy into hurting each other. But why? What purpose could such senseless beating serve? He only understood that Mello was in pain and was channeling that emotion through his fists. Matt was the cause, but he didn't seem surprised or apologetic for throwing the other boy into such a rage. What was Near missing? Every conclusion brought a more hideous truth than the last, so Near followed none of the logic paths. The the shock of the violence brought Jelly's words on deaf ears, the young boys eyes' entranced with the violent dance of the redhead and the blond. The girl gave up her crusade and ran, not wanting to watch the play to its curtain call.  
  
It was like watching a poorly choreographed ballet. Mello lost his balance and Matt took the opening to run out into the hallway and towards the stairs. He pulled himself upwards to stand on the banister. One misstep would send him falling to the ground floor.  
  
"How 'bout we play up here, Mels?" His grin was marred with the puffiness of his fast-forming black eye.  
  
"Get down from there, idiot."  
  
"Come up here with me, unless you're just chicken shit."  
  
Mello shook his head, "What hell? Stop dicking around and get your ass down here."  
  
"Or what? You gonna hit me again, bitch? Do it while I'm standing here." Matt spread his arms out, and the light reflected off bare lanky arms. He shoved his goggles off his head to reveal mirthful green eyes, "Hit me where I'm standing, or I'll jump."  
  
Mello considered Matt's words with alarm and his anger dissipated to be replaced with worry. "Matty, come down here, please. I'm sorry. Let's talk this out. Whatever you want, just get down from the fucking banister, please!"  
  
It seemed the first time that Matt noticed they weren't alone. Jelly Bird had already run off, but Matt hadn't yet noticed the small boy with the white hair. He turned his attention to that child and grinned.  
  
"You're a witness to this, Near. When they ask you, tell them I slipped."  
  
But as Matt made a posture to jump, Mello tried to grab him. He wasn't fast enough and Matt really did slip and not in his own intended manner. Green eyes bulged and Matt grabbed at the air, his hand catching a hanging string from the chandelier. It wasn't enough to halt his momentum but and he yanked at several more as gravity called him down. It wasn't built for his weight and the whole thing swung sideways, pulling Matt off course in his descent. It all happened in seconds, nanoseconds even, but somehow Matt twisted himself in enough strings to not fall and he hung precariously, the pendulum of a chandelier the only thing between him and flying towards the ground.  
  
"Matt! Shit. Hell, don't move. Just fucking, shit shit shit!"  
  
"Mello, you asshole, I wasn't really gonna jump!" Matt's voice was frantic as he clutched upwards, the metal rungs on the hanging fixture just out of his reach.  
  
Mello stood on the edge of the railing, his feet locked in between vertical wooden bars as he extended his arms to Matt.  
  
"Swing yourself this way, c'mon, I'll grab you."  
  
It really wasn't built for his weight, and as Matt struggled to move, the base cord snapped.  
  
Matt screamed even before the impact sent his bones breaking and the chandelier crystal flying across the floor.  
  
Mello leaped down the stairs, half sliding down the banister in desperation to reach the ground floor. Near could only watch, frozen in place as the blond threw himself at the boy and clawed away at the glass and metal bits. Not heeding the sharp edges that cut into his knees and hands, he freed the redhead from the debri. Matt just lay there, glass cutting into his jeans and his chest, scratches and cuts decorating every exposed inch as the blond lifted him into a hug, glass crunching between them and lodging deeper into both their bodies.  
  
"Matt! Mello! Oh my God!"  
  
"Don't just stand there! Fetch Bea! Roger!"  
  
"Somebody! Do something!"  
  
"What the hell happened here? Jesus Christ."  
  
Kids had filed into view, some gasping, and others gawking. A few rushed forward help but Mello screamed at them.  
  
"Don't touch him! Don't you fucking touch him!" Mello let his final plea out as a whisper while he buried his face in his blood-covered hands., "Please be okay, Matty."  
  
No one could get close to the pair. Mello was like an animal guarding its child. And yet, if anyone had been looking at Matt's face instead of Mello's livid one, they might have seen the cheeky smile as it spread across the redhead's mouth.  
  


* * *

  
  
"That was fun. Play again next time, yeah?" Beyond whispered to Near where he'd found him hiding alone in the dining hall under a table.  
  
Near had run there after watching five robed men tackle Mello to the ground. They'd carried Matt away to the infirmary on a stretcher, but Mello had to be tied down before they'd carted him off to wherever they'd taken him. Near had seen everything. And he'd slipped away from the gossipping children, not wanting to hear any of it. He'd slipped away to cry alone and hoped that no one knew that he'd seen it all. He didn't want to recount the scene to Roger.  
  
How had Beyond known where he'd be? Near realized, more than being scared, he hated the teenager.  
  
"Jelly was a bit of a sourpuss. She was supposed to stick around longer and rub it in Mello's face. Bit of a disappointment on her part. Hmmn, but Matt's performance completely made up for hers. Beautiful, wasn't he? And you, Near. You did well, my little lamb. You stood by and did absolutely nothing."  
  
"You tricked me. You knew what was going on and you threw me into that situation like…" Near curled into himself, not able to contain his shaking any longer, "If Matt dies, it'll be my fault."  
  
"Matt won't die."  
  
"I'm not stupid. I saw his injuries. You're a liar and an instigator."  
  
"I've never lied to you. I told you the truth before. Not my fault you didn't know heels-to-jesus was a sex position. Although I suppose it might have been pertinent to mention that Mello and Matt are a bit of a thing, but that was withholding facts, not lying. I'm not lying now. Matt won't die from that. Call it a sixth sense of mine to just know things."  
  
Beyond lay the forefinger of each of his hands on the corner of the boy's mouth, pulling his lips into a smile. His touch left Near's face sticky and a cursory look at Beyond's hands revealed a red substance on their tips.  
  
 _Too red._  
  
Near couldn't breathe. Palpitations surged through his heart and he slid to the ground gasping. Of its own accord, his body went into full panic mode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a spoiler forum for this story that can be read here:   
> http://mrsjeevas.joharrington.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=46&t=413

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are much appreciated <3 Thanks for reading


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